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Things Fall Apart

Posted on Saturday July 19, 2008 at 1:00am in

The Short Story: Veronica broke up with me for an older man she’s known over the internet for a few weeks whom she’s never met after she got to Hong Kong.

The Long Version:
Disclaimer—- This gets long. I have a lot to get out. If you do manage to read the entire thing, I am happy that you took the time.

I never thought I’d be making this post. It’s been a pretty bad week, and now I have to make sense of it all and try to explain it. If the Short Story didn’t make sense to you, that’s probably normal. I didn’t really get it either.

Anyways, the story starts when we started dating. We were a lot closer than we were when she broke up with me. We had some fights as everyone does, usually caused by her having tantrums. She wondered why I put up with it. The answer I gave her for the times she questioned my motives were that her pros outweighed her cons and I really enjoyed her company despite her frequent outbursts.

The next part of the story starts when I begin college. It’s Veronica’s senior year in high school and I am busy with work and my own schooling. We start to grow distant, as expected, but more than is needed. I don’t make much time for her and spend a lot more times with my friends. She is sad, but deals with this well. I was grateful. I was not very affectionate to her at all and almost never told her what I was feeling. I don’t often show my emotions to people: I’m not good at it so I don’t like to. Somehow, we make it through that first year.

Now, she is about to leave for Hong Kong for six months. She went last summer, but not for nearly this long. I try spending as much time as I can with her, taking her places (not as many as I would have liked, I didn’t have any money at the time) and such things. We have our goodbye and say that we’ll miss each other. She says she hopes that we can still be together when she gets back.

Now, she’s in Hong Kong. Someone that she knew over the internet confessed his love for her (I think that’s how it went) and she starts talking to him on the phone a lot. I noticed when I called that several hours were shaved off of the phone card. Things get “serious” with the new guy and she is forced to choose between him and me. So, naturally, she breaks up with me. I say this jestingly because I think it’s kind of ridiculous. She says she’s grown up a lot and it’s time to let old memories die. I was never there for her when she wanted me, I was so distant, ect. Now, I think I was starting to do a good job of being for her again when this happened. She cited my first year of college in her terms for breaking up with me and basically made me out to be the bad guy by exaggerating my inattention to her so she would feel less guilty. She says that she’s grown but ironically the way she chose to end our relationship (slummy, underhandedly, much like a jerk) seems to contradict that. I find it embarrassing that after growing so far she does something stupid like leave me for someone she hasn’t met. Maybe I should have held her to her word about wishing to stay together until she came back and made her do it in person. It would have given her more time to think about it and more time for me to prove myself to her.

She didn’t really give me any chance to prove myself or win her back over. I guess when you break up with someone that’s not what you think about. But she must have known that I wouldn’t want to let her go so easily. But, she is already so attached to this new guy that it makes it impossible for me to get her to see past that. I wish she was able to see past the new guy that blinds her. Instead, she turned her back on me! After all I’ve done for and with her, and all that I still wanted to experience with her with me! Since she had someone else to fall back on it wasn’t even hard for her to do. I offered her a lot in return for taking me back, promised her things would be different. Better than they had ever been. But she didn’t want any of it.

You know, this would actually make more sense if she found someone in Hong Kong that she liked. But leaving someone who she couldn’t see for someone who she also couldn’t see leaves me baffled. She has some nice plans laid out already. She’s not going to Eau Claire anymore, and rather will go to school by the new guy on the East Coast. Okay. It’s hard to even write this it’s so embarrassing. It’s like a bad dream: having her go from loving me to breaking up so quickly and using old events that haven’t happened recently as reasons.

This all being said, I regret not spending more time with her when I could have. I wish I could make a few more memories with her and I really miss seeing her. I missed her before she broke up with me and this is well… a large strike to bear, especially from a loved one. I did make a few attempts to win her back, but all had no effect on her. As I said earlier, she has another person that will back her up on the break up and in fact encourage leaving me. Now I spend most of my time learning how to play songs on her guitar that remind me of her (mostly Coldplay. I can play a lot of their songs now). At first I blamed only myself for this because I never spent enough time with her. I said “I never knew what I had, until she left me!” While this is still somewhat true, I now see that she deserves just as much of the blame. In spite of all that she’s done against me, I can’t help but continue to miss her and wish she would reconsider the decision. However she made it abundantly clear that she will no longer consider having me back. She may be happy about the new guy, but I’ve never been more…sad, lonely, depressed, jealous, upset, crushed, and disappointed in my life. We are no longer speaking to each other.

Other News….

My New Job: I am liking Holiday a lot. I don’t have much to say about it other than my coworkers are great, the customers are always interesting, and the discount is nice! I get to see a lot of people I know from town there so it’s fun. Unfortunately, it’s a lot of standing so I’m usually pretty tired by the end of my shifts.

The Dark Knight:

One of the best movies I’ve seen in a while. By far my favorite super hero movie of all time. It had great characters, great actors, a great story, decent action, and it was absorbing! I really recommend this! The villains were amazing: Joker and Two-Face couldn’t have been better! I won’t ruin anything for you, see it for yourself!

Health: I’ve lost 23 pounds since I cut back on soda and started exercising more.

Other: Couldn’t think of a category for this, but I guess we can call it Unfortunate Events. My watch of 3 years finally broke for good. It’s not even wearable anymore. I was thinking about getting a watch from Tokyoflash, but now I’m starting to have second thoughts. It’s a very minor conflict but… When I take showers in the morning, I count on looking at my watch on the counter to tell me what time I need to be out by (I take slow showers) and the ones at Tokyoflash require a button press to display the time. So, I wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. Yeah, I know. I think of the strangest things. I miss my watch! What a bad week!

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